Scribble Thoughts; I am in-love with 3 Men!

by:

G-Writes

When it comes to love and romance, I have my reservations. I have been there once, and I didn’t like how I felt when it ended. I tried again, even doe I didn’t fall so deep like the first time. I still didn’t like how I felt when it ended.

I am 30 and single. How do I feel about being single at 30? It’s kind of a mixed feeling. Some days I enjoy being single, the freedom that comes with it. Other days I feel so alone that I desperately want someone to actually be there for me romantically.

When it comes to praying and asking God about what I want, I don’t even know where to start from; because my list is so long and I am not even sure about the things I really want.

Especially when it comes to Love and Marriage, do I really want it? Sometimes I feel like I do. Other times, I feel like I am better off single. But what’s so wrong or bad about being loved? I guess I feel like I don’t deserve. But what if I actually do deserve?

Okay I get it, I don’t like ‘ME’ so why would anyone like me? My height plays a huge role when it comes to inferiority complex. I don’t feel good enough about my body. Whew!

But contrary to that, I have a great body I hope, I am just 5.1ft short or tall. Or maybe I need to invest more in my looks? Let’s see how that goes.

So back to not deserving, thinking about it now, I actually do deserve. I am not so much of a bad person, I deserve true love.

Let me think deeper, why can’t I ask God for the things I really do want? I feel like its farfetched, am I doubting God? Or His capabilities? God forbid.

So what is it then? My faith can’t carry it? Well; I guess so. Does it seem impossible? No it doesn’t.

Here is the thing, when it comes to Love, I have always asked God, OH please God I want some true fairytale love. I like someone, and I go all spiritual, like God make it work with this person, I speak into existence like I hear people say. And when everything eventually goes south? I am like; oh well maybe God doesn’t want that person for me.

So let’s say right now, I have 3 persons in mind that I really like, and I am so confused, I don’t know how to target the prayer. I like 3 guys. Ranking them in my head, I know who comes first, but he has his bad sides. But the real question is; do they like me like I do them? I guess so; at some point all three have somehow expressed their feelings. So I am not just imagining this or having a stray feeling

Hmm, scrabbling this down made me realized something. Erase all 3. Focus on something or someone new. It’s okay to unlike someone.

So what next, pray about it? Pray about what exactly? Finding the right partner? Or the right partner finding me?

First, I guess I need to make up my mind. Do I want love and marriage? Do I feel deserving? I guess I do. I WANT IT. All of it.

So this has helped me reach a decision. Erase all 3 guys that I really like, and keep an open mind for someone new. Hopefully the right man will come along, and not leave. And I have also figured out how to pray about this.

 

Scribble Thoughts with Mo.

A lot of things go on in my head/life

I converse with myself a lot

So I have decided to share some of it

It might be boring or interesting

I don’t know, it’s left for you to decide.

 

9 Replies to “Scribble Thoughts; I am in-love with 3 Men!”

  1. Becca says:

    Nice one, you’re not the only one who converse with yourself, I do that a lot and most times, I dnt get the answer that I want.

  2. Amos Vianney says:

    This is so real… pouring out your raw feelings out here, you are beautiful and you deserve everything good. Don’t put too much pressure on urself 💋❤️

  3. Amos Vianney says:

    This is so real… pouring out your raw feelings out here, you are beautiful and you deserve everything good. Don’t put too much pressure on urself 💋❤️

  4. Nwudoh Uche says:

    I know how it feels. Love is a beautiful thing but you have to know who wants to stay or who should be in your life by their actions and body language.

  5. Adeboye Richard says:

    Whoa!
    Why do you want to leave the 3 and start searching for another?
    You might be forced to leave that one even after some period of time.
    I have such experience too before I got married, what I did was to to give all of them an equal chance( the idea I got from my Pastor and Mentor) though it come with a price sha. And two of them naturally signed out without a fight and I was left with my a lady that eventually married today with 2 kids.💕

  6. Ashley says:

    We all have conversations with ourselves, but you might be overthinking this love thing. Every good person deserves love so you deserve it, it might come when you aren’t even looking

  7. AZ says:

    People love differently, others want it all while some want it only in some moments. A lot of people are better off being single, I know that has really worked for you in a long time. But here if I noticed well it’s the Age (30) for you, being single at that stage of your life when you are supposed to be rounding up of beginning a new home with a man of your dreams. Yeah I understand the age is no longer there due to the society we live in.
    Being in love is nice and also loving yourself more is nice, sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. The period you’ve bring single had saved you from a lot of heart breaks and traumas. Yeah you love three guys and I think the 3 have something in particular you love them for, why not try and look out btw those 3 who posseses those qualities you want or rather look for a new person who has characteristics of those 3. Remember heart chooses who to love and love more when it’s been reciprocated. Don’t rush, take your time, do what you love doing most, that might be where you will find through and only love. Your hobbies might be his, music, sports and many others.

  8. Oyebisi says:

    Oh well, I’m not 30 or anywhere close, but I feel like you. I don’t think I deserve love or maybe. Whenever someone comes acting all good and everything I want, I feel like I don’t deserve it and it’s not for me, so I tend to leave, cos it feels like the person is showing affection to the wrong person, lol. ‘Cos I’ve made a lot of bad/wrong decisions, I feel like I don’t deserve tor it, but maybe I do deserve it, maybe, just maybe.

  9. Emilia says:

    I can totally relate with that feeling of low self worth but don’t let it weigh you down cus it’s just a lie from the pit of hell. You have many things going on and working for you and I bet you have many male and female admirers out there. I would advise that you concentrate on what makes you happy and take your mind off finding love cus that could be depressing. Find fun things and do when you are not working, play, do cinemas if you can, go out lick some ice cream with a friend or even a colleague, ,receive fresh air some times and try to avoid anything or any one who would or might want to remind you of things you haven’t achieved yet. You will be surprised how love would find you when you least expect it😁🤗

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