Ok, let me start by sharing my personal story, when it comes to Lust and Love. There was this guy, i thought i really liked, i was into him and he was into me too. (or so i thought). We would spend hours talking on phone, sharing our daily experience. It was magical. In-fact, at some point i thought he was the one. IT felt right.
I thought my days of spinsterhood was finally over. I was excited about my new bf (in my head). He hadn’t asked me to be his girl officially, but i already felt like one. Checking up on each other in the middle of the day, sharing little secrets, telling me stuffs about work, laughing at each other’s joke. WE were like a couple. Like young teens in love. Lol.
Though I’ve seen this guy a couple of times, first at a friends party, then at a friends house. (WE share a mutual friend)
But now, he was in Abuja, and myself? Port-Harcourt. The distance didn’t really get to us. We even went to the extent of discussing marriage. (yea, that far)
Then: Boom! we happened to be in the same city for a few days, we were excited about about seeing each other again. We were all mushy when he came to pick me from the airport. Spent the evening together, had so much fun that day. We decided to spend the weekend together at his place, during this time: we happened to have sex a couple of time (Don’t give me that dirty look) Lol.
Weekend was now over. Everybody was back to base. And all the magic disappeared. We just stopped talking, we drifted apart.I lost interest, and apparently he did too. Most times he tries to call (maybe out of guilt). Those times, they was nothing else to talk about. ( One time, he teased me of using and dumping him after sex: like was the sex that awful?) Trust me, you don’t wanna know.
But sincerely, it wasn’t about how great or awful the sex was, it was quite obvious. We were just in lust with each other. He had a great body, cute smile, cash in his pocket. I am not bad myself. Apparently we just wanted to f##k each other.
Now the deal was done, we turned out to be total strangers. The Spark we once had died. I wasn’t excited to take his calls anymore, even if it were a business call.
That was when it hit me: LOVE didn’t live here. I look back and ask myself how come i didn’t figure that out. We attended our Mutual friend;s wedding. I was in the bridal train, he was part of the grooms men and we practically ignored each other throughout the event. It was at the end of the after party he pulled me aside and said what went wrong? I smiled and said LUST happened..
THE QUESTION NOW IS: How can one even tell this days? How do you figure out which is which? INFATUATION? LUST? OR LOVE?
This led me to a dramatic research, and here is what i found. – intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. . Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.
So, how can you tell if what you have is just a heightened libido or real butterflies?
- With love, you care about what drugs they’re on; with lust, you feel like you’re on drugs.
- With love, you tolerate the reality of this person; with lust, you love the idea of this person.
- With love, you want to have sex after going long times without seeing each other; with lust, you have sex every time you see each other.
- With love, you can’t see your partner’s face; with lust, you love your partner’s face.
- With love, you want to be together all the time; in lust, you want to be together all the time.
SIGNS OF LUST
- You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
- You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
- You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
- You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
- You are lovers, but not friends.
SIGNS OF LOVE
- You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
- You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
- You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
- He or she motivates you to be a better person.
- You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.