I’ve be wanting to pen down my thoughts on the Fear of being single for a while now, I just couldn’t find the right time, right mood and right frame of mind. Until today…Until This very Minute… Wondering what triggered the thoughts… And then I realized am actually living my fears right now..
And I think majority of young women today are facing Anuptaphobia which is the Fear of staying single.
It’s like Jennifer Lopez sang ” What if I never find and I’m left behind?
Should I keep hoping for love?
What if I’m still the same?
Status doesn’t change?
Gotta keep hoping for love?
Which leaves us with the ultimate question “what is love”?
We single ladies are just too afraid of this dreadful status… We want to experience love so bad… it drives us into the arms of the wrong men… it ruins our chances of getting into a happy romantic relationship… The fear of not wanting to end up alone drives us into desperation which ultimately grows into loneliness and depression.
You wake up to a good morning only for you to see pictures of that friend who got engaged recently… Or a friend who just had her traditional marriage… and you go back to bed… with that awful feeling that the universe is against you…and it’s not like your beefing those friends or anything… But your left wondering the good guys are? Should you go out more? where exactly are this eligible bachelors?
Our society today frowns at a young lady who is supposedly ripe for marriage but still wears her single hood status with pride! Should we then hide our faces in shame?
But Kai! Shola is getting married! Come to think of it am gorgeous than Shelly? I have good manners, am a christian, I’m a good cook.. then Imagine that Olodo Bimpe that can’t even keep her legs together have found a husband… What’s happening? Is this spiritual? you begin to question your faith and your intelligence! Do I need tutorials on how to attract the perfect husband? Gradually and slowly… that fear creeps in…you begin to hear devilish whispers like – “You won’t find the perfect man..you will die single and lonely”… Lol…
Funny enough, the society also contributes in supporting that fear, by feeding us with the idea that love and social connection is a basic necessity. They promote the idea that romantic relationships are central to well-being by stigmatizing single ladies. With the your single because of your bad attitude bullshit. Permit me to say that the fear of being single is fueled by social and cultural expectations.
Even though being single comes with a desirable degree of independence alongside a strong and intimate friendship and family relationships we still won’t mind knowing what it’s like to be loved, To be somebody’s girl, we wouldn’t mind our prince charming coming to show us how it’s done.
The worst part about being afraid of staying single is demeaning yourself and your life; thinking it’s empty without a partner. It makes you miss out on all the nice things about yourself, it keeps you in an abusive and unhappy relationship… the “If I leave him. what’s out there for me syndrome”
In my own case the fear of being single came as a result of unlucky relationships… Now am so scared of getting into another one.. and at the same time scared of being alone..
But having thought about it! it’s the fear itself that ends up keeping us from finding a good spouse and having a healthy relationship. The men are out there, but they are in search of happy, confident, and loving ladies. They don’t want to be involved with a lady who lives in constant fear with so much inbuilt anger.
Now ladies, it’s time to STOP being fearful and angry.. it’s OK to be single, in the end, we all just should believe that there is that someone special, who is just around the corner and worth waiting for.