So, am 25 and single…and though our society frowns at a young lady who is allegedly ripe for marriage and somehow she is still single…i have few single friends who are older and each day…they fall deep into depression and unhappiness following their single woman status….
few days ago…a friend of mine called me and was like”Maureen, when will i find a god man? my mum asked me today..when she would meet my male friends?” and i couldn’t help but laughed out loud…surprisingly she is just a year older than i am. but she was really concerned about her status…and she went on to say, if i no fit get better job, i no go fit get man too? Lol, Am sure that sounds familiar to young single unemployed women out there. Every one around us expect us at a certain age to either be married, in a serious relationship or at-least planning our wedding….but i say, now is the best time to be on your own, Enjoy every bit of you.
Though majority of my friends are married…i still feel the need to fully discover my potentials before heading that road. Though am constantly torn between “I don’t need a man and Hey’ you please fall in-love with me. But HEY! if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t am not afraid of being alone. “YES, every one deserves that special someone but if you don’t have that for now…know that happiness starts with you, not with your relationships, your job or friends but with you. its like i said earlier,now is the best time to be all that you ever hoped to be..Successful, determined, ambitious, independent. spirited, strong and most of all brave. Don’t be a woman that needs a man, be a woman that a man needs.
After that being said….here is an interesting write up i stumbled on…from Genevieve Magazine titled;
Single, But Not Sad | Bellanaija Weddings, Bridget Jones And Overbearing Aunties.
I’m someone who faces facts, lay all my cards on the table type of gal, I tell it as it is. I’m 26, single, with a rather small chest, and thunderous thighs. The body which I placed in high esteem for the longest time, is daring to betray me by beginning to physically manifest the contents of my meals- unless I continue my rigorous training routine and pretend not to be hungry when someone asks if I want to go for Vapianos or my favourite Italian place in Soho.
My mind, which is usually sharper than three minds put together, no longer craves current affairs and issues from around the world with the same gusto it used to, but instead opts for the latest on celebrity gossip and Kardashian outfits (the shame). My love life, ah, my love life is going down faster than the Titanic. All dates end up in males being overly eager, and asking me before our first date drinks arrive “So, how do you like it?” to which I then have to play dumb, fake a stomach upset and engage in a Fast and Furious inspired multi-platform blocking spree (creep) once out of the venue. Or, men who seem normal at first, I begin to talk to them, for the love of all things good- I even begin to like them just a little and then out of nowhere, their true ugly misogynistic colours show or all of a sudden they go cold turkey. Not uttering a peep until a few months later dropping a casual WhatsApp message that reads “Hey, what’s up? Long-time no hear from you. Was it something I said?”. No scrubs, please.
The truth is the current state of my love life doesn’t bother me, perhaps it’s the recent relationship I broke off or the fact that according to my personal life goals, I’m still working towards the things I want in life- and could quite frankly do without the distraction of dating frogs, dogs, weirdos
the time in China where I dated a guy who wanted to talk to me about solar panels all night long in a club and the occasional prince (just not my prince). The only problem is I’m culturally Nigerian, so what usually follows anything after I perform the customary bow/curtsey and greeting to family friends and concerned aunties I actually like to think of concerned aunties more as overzealous, tall gele-wearing, non-gift bringing, wedding invitation hoarders and uncles is
“Jo, when are you getting married?
“Jo, what about that “Oyinbo pepper” we saw you with?
“Jo, don’t you want children ke?
“Jo, YOU MUST do a big wedding!
“Jo, why are you still travelling? How will you find a man if you keep changing location?
“Jo, I had a dream you married a rich man, and you had a big house. Amen, sha. Eya, remember me o?!”
The list goes on. Bridget Jones, in some ways is luckier than I am. She didn’t have the unwarranted and let’s be honest,
unnecessary military style drilling, I have experienced from concerned aunties and uncles. Nor did she have Bella Naija, Nigerian Weddings, Show The Bride and other such wedding focused social pages constantly posting images of happy couples on their wedding day, or in cheesy pre wedding photo shoots, or even worse, performing off-beat dance routines in a bid to up their wedding hashtag Klout. #canthistrendDIEplease2016
Bridget Jones, was also lucky in this respect that she wasn’t Nigerian, unwed and sans a child in 2016 (and don’t give me that rubbish about her being in her 30s either). Had Bridget Jones been around now, my concerned aunties would have eaten her alive every darn day whilst adding seemingly encouraging words such as “God will provide” or “It’s all in God’s hand” at the end of their monologues about why it’s good to marry young (like they did)- like Bridget’s marital status would have been entirely her own fault.
Yes, concerned aunties all around the globe, God will provide, at the right time for me and for other singletons too. However, please keep your thoughts and doubts to yourself. I’m excited that you’re excited for my wedding, but right now with not much in sight but Friday night cheat meals, solo travel planning and brunch meals with my unmarried/married girlfriends
discussions can be awfully boring with some wives though- there’s more to life than hearing about “my husband this and that”- we get it, you’re married, congratulations again, but GEESH– – I would appreciate it if you kept your questions to yourselves, because sometimes, in the darkest, loneliest moments we singletons have our own doubts and concerns and that’s enough to deal with already!
Besides, everyone forgets the major point- who says we are actually going to invite these overzealous aunties and uncles to our weddings, if/when that day should come? Yet, they have already picked out two tables (near the front, of course, God forbid they should sit in the back like ordinary guests) which seat 10 people each– on our pocket. They spray us $50 in dollar notes, really slowly, like we can’t count and carry half the wedding favours and soft drinks home in wedding branded gift bags!? #jesusgivebridesfor2016strength
My advice to all the twenty somethings and even thirty somethings out there, who are single, single and searching, searching fervently, practically throwing themselves at men
looooooooooooool, or applying pressure to their boyfriends/partners about how many carats the ring should have because “you’re not just any girl, you’re his girl and the diamond says more about him, than it does about you” (sound familiar)?!? Don’t allow what you see around you or what people around are saying to determine the direction of your life. All good things come to those who wait and allow it to happen naturally. Vera Wang bridal dresses do not discriminate by age, and Kosibah is available made-to-measure, so size doesn’t really matter- nor do your eggs dry up by 31, this is a dirty, dirty fallacy.
Instead of being so focused on male counterparts, we, women, should aim to aspire to greater personal goals- that next step in our career, running that half marathon we’ve always wanted to, and travelling the world, if that’s your thing- it’s definitely my thing. We should aim to inspire those of a younger generation coming up behind us to want more from life than a ring, and Instagram likes and truly engage in living life to the fullest at whatever stage of the “single scale” we fall in right now.
Remember, all that glitters is not gold, and you can never know anyone’s relationship circumstances just by tallying likes on Instagram, retweets on Twitter and those witty memes on the internet- there’s more to a marriage than a wedding day and honeymoon. We need to love ourselves first, only when we’re whole, can another whole person find us. What’s your happiness and peace of mind worth to you ladies?
Single and okay with it,
Original source:The Global Riot